So you want to teach, huh?

Going to college I knew exactly what I wanted to do. I wanted to be a teacher. 

"Why would you want to be a teacher?" Every.single.person.would.ask.me. 

"Don't you pursue your dreams/passions?" I would always respond. Don't question my calling I would think quietly to myself. It confused me why they would be so shocked that someone wanted to teach?
Movies portray teaching with having a soft spoken teacher next to a blackboard with a piece of chalk in her hand. Her hair is neatly pulled up, her glasses always fit perfectly on her nose, she looks like she just came back from a weekend of sweet sleep at a spa, and her clothes are perfectly ironed. The movie will then pan out and have orderly desks all in straight rows, the students will ALL be sitting at their desks, quietly working on an assignment that is on the board with no complaints, all pencils completely sharpened, shoes all tied, noses all blown, hands raised when a question is asked(no looking out the window in la la land), and all this happening while the teacher is sitting quietly at her desk grading the homework that EVERY student turned in ON TIME.
That sounds like a pretty good job, am I right? Why wouldn't someone want to be a teacher?


Just being honest, 3 months later into my first teaching job, I'm not that confused why people would ask me why I wanted to be a teacher.

My day usually starts at 4:45am. That's ONLY if I want to have my Bible study before I head off to the school. I am usually lucky if I can even pull myself out of bed after a restless night of sleep that involves nightmares of teaching my students the wrong things, waking up with brilliant teaching ideas that I MUST implement that day, or waking up in fear that you forgot to contact that one parent that emailed you two days ago about something.
I get to the school at 6am to make sure everything is ready for the students; usually some last minute printing and then I tutor a sweet 7th grade girl with her math homework at 7:00am. My 6th grade students are allowed into the room at 7:40am, so of course they show up to my room at 7:30am.

Then begins the chaos homeroom in the morning. This involves getting breakfast served, taking attendance(That I always manage to forget), making sure students are doing their morning work instead of talking, making sure student are turning in homework THAT WAS DUE LAST WEEK!, putting lunch count in on the computer, all while trying to listen to my sweet students as they are calling out, "Ms. Dews!!!!!" trying to tell me stories of football games, soccer games, hunting adventures, how they got in fights with their siblings, how they aren't feeling good, how they would rather be in bed, how they don't like breakfast, wondering if the homework that was posted yesterday was actually really due this morning, asking for the 100th time to sharpen their pencils, trying to fix the pencil sharpener that is now broken after a student jammed their pencil in too far, dealing with the student that comes in crying from a family situation at home, students asking what time it is two minutes after the same bell that rings every morning at 8am just rang. 
I often think that if an outsider walked in my classroom in the morning, they would look at me like I'm insane, maybe even laugh at my chaos, and walk right back out the door. 
SO, just in that short 20 minutes of homeroom in the morning, this looks nothing like what people think teaching is built out to be.
My days hardly turn out the way that my perfect little Lesson Plan says they are supposed to go. Often times my lessons are interrupted by student fights, melt downs from students when they are not understanding a topic, a student getting sick in the classroom, water bottles being spilled on the floor, the monthly fire drill that always happens when the students are finally sitting quietly in their desks, migraines that have recently been hitting me hard during the mornings, students stealing backpacks, smuggling in drugs, and students falling asleep because they never got the chance to sleep the night before.
My afternoons? Usually they are taken up by meetings, meetings, oh and more meetings. You see, I quickly learned that teachers don't have a 9-5 job. No, teachers have a 24/7hr job. Don't let us fool you. Even if we come home at 5pm. What do you think is going on in our minds when we are sitting quietly at the table? What we should pin on Pinterest? When we are going to go shopping for new clothes?
Hardly ever. No, we come home and our minds are consumed with the conversations we had with a student who said they haven't seen their real mom for 6 years. Or I can never stop thinking about how I can make school enjoyable for the student who will NEVER pay attention, NEVER behave, and ALWAYS talks back. Don't even start about the perfectionist side to me, so I am constantly thinking about what I can do to be a better teacher. I am forever thinking about how I am incredibly blessed when too many of my students come in and say they didn't have dinner the night before, they got kicked out of their house, their mom sold their ADHD medication to buy alcohol instead.
My weekends are consumed with the piles and piles of ungraded work that I never had time to grade during the week. They are also consumed with new lesson plans that are due for the week. Trying to even figure out where we left off on Friday because everything didn't come out the way it was supposed to and then having panic attacks realizing how behind I am on my pacing chart with the common core standards.

After this incredibly long rant about my job, I have no doubt why people would look at me as if I were an idiot when I said I wanted to be a teacher. I do not get angry at those people when they say, "God bless you. You must be a very good person. I would NEVER be caught teaching."

Are there times I look at myself and wonder, what in the world did I ever get myself into?
Absolutely. Every day.
Are there times I think of giving up?
Absolutely. Just last week I was found crying on the ground of my room when my students went to P.E.
Do I regret and want to change my profession?
Absolutely NOT.

You see, nobody portrays the real reason why a teacher teaches. Nobody shows this in the movies. Although we all have personal reasons why we teach, ultimately I think we all teach for one reason and that is because we know that this life isn't really about us. It's not about who we are and what we can do. It's about who we are and what we can do to impact and better the lives that are around us. It's because we understand that there are lives out there that need hope; they need something/someone to look to.
These lives need someone to stand behind them when the world has given up on them.
They need a teacher that they can count on, no matter how many times these same little lives can turn around and say something that can just slap a teacher in the face.
They also need a teacher to know that they really didn't mean to say those things, but they said them because they know their teacher will never leave them, will always be there, and love them even more through the hard times in their lives. This is why I teach.
I am learning more and more that my life isn't my life anymore. When you are in your calling, you don't judge who you are by your weight(Yes I have gained 20lbs since teaching because nobody has time to workout the way I used to), You don't judge yourself by your appearance(because who has time to iron at 4:45am?). You don't judge your life by the amount of likes on Facebook/Instagram(can't even access that on the wifi at schools nowaday), You don't even judge your life by which guy likes you(The first guy that can deal with this crazy life style, I will know he is meant for me).

No, suddenly you judge your life by less superficial things.
You judge your life by the students that look to you day after day for guidance, peace, hope, and support.
By the little 4th graders that wait at my door every day at dismissal to hold my hand as I walk them to the bus.
By my 6th grader who wrote me a note saying she was thankful for me because I made her day possible.
By the student that asked if I could adopt her as my daughter and keep her forever and ever.
By my 6th grade class that runs up to me after the county pulls me out for the day and asks me to never leave again.
By the students that see me in the grocery store and run up to hug me. (Because there are days that you wonder if the students will ever like you again because you feel like they are getting in trouble left and right for not doing what they are supposed to be doing.)
Because I am a teacher, I now truly understand the idea that my life is not about me anymore. 

You see, I don't regret anything about my decision for a degree in college. I was called to this profession just as much as a missionary is called across seas. Teachers are missionaries every single day and THAT is why people looked at me like an idiot when I said I wanted to be a teacher as a job. Teaching isn't a job...teaching is a calling and a teacher is just an undercover name for a missionary.