Learning To Be Loved

Have you ever wondered about love? Such a powerful word that is so easily thrown around in this world today. Lately I’ve noticed that I have quite the difficulty with this little word. When it comes to loving others, it is one of my greatest joys. I enjoy giving gifts, writing notes, finding the best way to love people and love them that way. It’s what drives an unexplainable joy in my life.

In the contrast, I have an extremely difficult time allowing others to love me. In fact, there are very very few people in my life that have found ways to love me because the minute I have love shown towards me, I turn away, back off, or run the opposite direction.

Such extremes that I only wish were used for a literacy purpose, but very accurate to what happens in my life. The fact that I cannot let others love me hurts because I know when I don’t allow others to love me, then I am not loving them by pushing them away.

I’ve been challenged to dig deep in my times with God and figure out the root to why I have such a difficulty accepting love when I enjoy so greatly giving away love. I was looking for something in my past to point to and blame; someone, something; a relationship that was broken, a hurtful conversation or interaction that turned me off from love…I couldn’t find something.

Ever so gently God began to reveal the root to the issue. That’s the idea that I cannot allow humans to love because I have never truly allowed God to love me first. I was taken aback by the idea at first and then I began to search my life. The crazy thing is, is that I know God loves me, but could I specifically point to times where I allowed God to just love me for me? I couldn’t. Just as I pushed others love away, so I pushed His love away; believing I wasn’t worth it. I couldn’t accept love because it made me vulnerable to a side of human emotions that I wasn’t comfortable with…something I couldn’t control.

This whole time, I have loved people, I have let God use me to love the broken, lost, and hurting. Ultimately though, I have never allowed God to love me. God wants to love me just as much as he wants to use me to love others. Instead I allow my insecurities and fears to trap me inside a box where I come out just enough to give love, but the minute I feel love, I hide away.

The more I thought about it, the more I realized, how long can a person go in life loving others when the only model of perfect love can’t even love that person in their own life. Obviously not long in my life as others have suffered the consequences of me pushing aside friendships, running from situations, only to avoid love in every way possible.

Maybe you don’t have the extremes that I have in my life of pushing love away. But I do challenge you to find a way that God loves on you and acknowledge that. Thank Him every time He shows you that love and never let it slip by. It’s a beautiful thing to be loved, but we must learn how to be loved correctly by the ultimate lover. The one who shows us unconditional love. If you don’t know of a way that God loves you, find a way. He is so ready to love us. In fact, he loves us every moment of every day, it’s just if we are willing and open to accepting it.